I wish I could teleport
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
