Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
