What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
