it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
