I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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