Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
