no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
