cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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