why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
