I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
