SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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