Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
