That's intense
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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