OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
