Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
