dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
