I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
