we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
