five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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