Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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