why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
