i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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