I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
