Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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