yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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