So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
