Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
