So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize
