sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
