what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
