It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
