i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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