he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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