I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
