I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
