Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
