dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
