dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
