I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
