can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
