I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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