Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
