I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
