omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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