I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
