I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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