do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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