I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
