Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
