Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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