And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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