do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
