He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
