'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
