Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
