Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
