just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
