Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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