i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
