would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
